Happiness in relationships - draft

Gulzar Valli

Professor E. McCormick

English 101

11/6/10

Happiness in Relationships

            Plants need soil, water, sunlight, seeds, patience, and constant care to grow. In the same manner, relationships are similar. There are many factors involved in starting and continuing happier relationships. Relationships are complicated, so in order to maintain happiness, we need to conserve them. People can cultivate happier relationships through unconditional love, compromise, and acceptance.

            One factor a relationship must have is unconditional love. Unconditional love is to love someone for who they really are. People enjoy being loved for who they really are. Unconditional love can be for people or anyone. Humans who show unconditional love, expect nothing in return. A mother-child relationship is a good example which portrays this. The mother’s love for the child is unconditional. She expects nothing in return from the child. Even if the child turns out to be a thief or murderer, a mother’s love will be the same. It will not become less or fade away. As Tal-Ben Shahar has mentioned in his article entitled, “Happiness in Relationships”, “Unconditional love creates a parallel circle of happiness- in which we are encouraged to pursue those things that are meaningful and pleasurable for us.” Referring back to the example, a mother seeks to please her child in many ways because he/she is meaningful to her and she receives pleasure from it. He further says, “Unconditional love is the foundation of a happy relationship.” Therefore, unconditional love is necessary to manage a happier relationship.

It’s difficult to cultivate a relationship without compromise. It takes patience, listening, and fair expectations to build up this mutual bond. In any relationship, people have to share everything they have equally, specifically all the responsibilities. For instance, in a marriage, the husband and wife should compromise with each other, especially when both of them are working. All the work involved in the household like cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, etc should be shared equitably. In this way, one person doesn’t feel over burdened and stressed out. It’s a two-way street. If a person doesn’t share the household responsibilities, he/she will be considered selfish, which in turn will break the relationship, whereas if a person will share the responsibilities, they will build a healthy relationship which will turn into a happy relationship. Tal-Ben Shahar, in his article “Happiness in Relationships” states, “In order to feel satisfied within a relationship, we have to feel that the transaction is equitable.” If one of the partners feels that they are putting in more than the other, so that the other can feel more comfortable and relaxed, both partners will end up feeling unhappy in their life. Hence, in order to be happy in any relationship, the give and take process must be equal.

            Also for a happy relationship, people need to have fair, realistic expectations. Humans need to understand that nobody is perfect. An individual has good as well as bad sides. People go along well with the good side, but they should learn to compromise with the bad side. An individual thinks that they don’t see or expect much from each other in a relationship, but it’s not true. People have high expectations from each other, so they need to realize that when they have high or unfair expectations towards each other, they have a tendency to hurt each other. This can fail any consanguinity. One has to accept people the way they are. Part of compromise is to be realistic of your partner’s expectations. In order to obtain happiness, one should have fair expectations to foster happiness in relationships.

            Another factor that happy relationships must have is acceptance. An individual needs to have understanding and patience in order to accept the other person in any relationship. Accepting something means that you are accepting the entire thing. You can’t take the good qualities and leave out the bad ones. For instance, in friendship, both friends must accept the strengths and weaknesses of the other. Accepting each others weaknesses means that a person understands his/her friend as he/she is. Furthermore, acceptance will result in trust and intimacy. As Tal-Ben Shahar has mentioned in his article, “Happiness in Relationships”, “To cultivate genuine intimacy the focus in a relationship must shift from the desire to be validated- seeking approval and praise- to the desire to be known.” In other words, a person needs to be real to be known and only then can he/she build trust and intimacy. One can only be intimate when they know the person for real because intimacy means real closeness. This shows the relationship between being known and intimacy which means moving from a superficial level to a more sincere level. All in all, the desire to be known interlinks with the quality of acceptance. Therefore, acceptance plays a major role in developing a happier relationship.

            Thus, unconditional love is essential for a relationship to grow happier. It is also necessary to have fair and realistic expectations. In addition, acceptance results in trust and intimacy which helps build a stronger relationship. Hence, cultivating happiness in relationships requires unconditional love, compromise, and acceptance.

                       

Works Cited Page

Ben-Shahar, Tal. Happier. New York: Mc Graw -Hill, 2009.